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US Economic Stimulus Package

Joke Submitted By:: Kristi Vantassel

Sometime this year, we the US taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.  This is a very exciting program.  I'll explain it using the Q and A format:Image removed by sender.

Q.  What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.  Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers.

Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen.

Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
   
Q.  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A.  Shut up!


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely.     

1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China
2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,  Honduras and Guatemala .
5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
6. If  you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
7. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1   spending it at yard sales, or     
2   going to ball games, or   
3   spending it on prostitutes, or     
4   beer or     
5   tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day:


An American joke but funny none the less, could apply to the UK that is if our government ever decided to give anything back.
Garry Desmond

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